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I am new here. This is my first post. I'm a pansexual whatever who is finally tired of being forced to act masculine. My family was very abusive to me and because I was sensitive and thoughtful and this wasn't conducive to the unpaid farm labor they needed me for. I was raised home schooled in complete isolation and any deviation (especially sexual) was met with it being dragged out in front of my younger siblings where I was shamed and humiliated for it. My first year of college I finally got to try being myself and having real social interaction despite only being allowed to commute. Its taken be a lot of work since then to even be able to have a conversation with another person without having a panic attack. I am not flamboyant but I still get bullied, teased, and shunned for not being an alpha male and I'm weak in the knees at the moment with frustration at being this in-between punching bag of a human bitch person. I would rather be all out trap girly if I'm going to be treated like this. It feels right to me and I hope that for all this beating me down there I still something to build up.
All that being said, anyone have any advice on how I can tweak my appearance. I'm afraid to outright go on hormones because my mental stability is shaky at best. ;-;